Self love seems to be a tricky topic these days, right? What with all the opinions and definitions on what it is or isn't. Fret not, beautiful one. Read on for five easy peasy ways to step up your self love game right NOW.
Radical Self Acceptance
Spend a couple of moments thinking about yourself. How you look, how you feel, the choices you've made today, the interactions you've had, anything and everything that comes to mind. Now with loving, compassionate, openness, accept all of it. Accept yourself 100% for everything you are AND everything you are not. You can also spend time looking at yourself in the mirror (clothing optional) and saying "You are beautiful, you are strong, you are important, you matter, and you're perfect just the way you are". Feel free to say whatever feels right and trust your higher self to bring forth the right words to you.
Self Directed Compassion
Often, we have no problem displaying compassion for others. But when it comes to ourselves? Mmm... not so much. Self directed compassion is one of the most powerful healing tools and a beautiful way to cultivate self love. Try it on for size by thinking of a time when you were embarrassed, ashamed, sad or simply operating in an ego driven (read: low vibrational) frequency. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, and it could even be in this exact moment. Now go ahead and intentionally send yourself compassion. You could visualize hugging yourself, you could play out a conversation between your two selves in which the compassionate you says "I'm sorry, I'm here for you, don't worry". Again, decide what this looks and sounds like for you.
Since self directed compassion can involve a lot of imagination, it may take practice before it feels natural for you. Just focus on truly tapping in with the mission - allow yourself to "go there". Another thing to note is that this technique can be very triggering so make sure you're in a safe space to express your true self and feelings.
Keeping Self Talk In Check
Self talk is another powerful tool we can use in our self love journey. The mind is obviously brilliant and this can be to our advantage or detriment depending on how we harness its power. Self talk is like belief programming so we want to be sure our "coding" reinforces the message that we are capable, deserving, loved, and important. When your inner dialog is kind, loving, and encouraging, it instantly boosts your sense of self, leading to a better attitude, which ultimately creates better external circumstances.
Really be mindful of the things you say to yourself. Sometimes these messages are so natural that we don't even notice them or think they don't hold value. Here are some examples of things you may say and what a more loving alternative would be.
Spend the next hour or two monitoring your self talk and thoughts. Make a conscious effort to do this practice daily and it will become a habit.
Do what feels good
Think about someone you care about, doing something that makes them happy - the joy on their face, the excitement in their eyes. How does it make you feel? Pretty good, right?
Give yourself permission to feel the same way about what brings you joy. Doing more of what makes you feel good sends the message that you deserve to feel joy and what you value, matters.
Taking ownership of your joy is also an empowering, practical demonstration of self love. You aren't waiting for permission to experience joy and, more importantly, you aren't letting anyone else define what it means for you.
What plans can you make over the next day or two to have fun and do something you really enjoy within the next couple of weeks?
Nothing says self love or self worth like having boundaries! Having boundaries gives you an opportunity to once again have increased ownership in your life. By knowing what your boundaries are, you set the precedents for your life, relationships, and role in society.
Having and enforcing boundaries leads to stronger personal autonomy which in turn boosts self confidence. It's subtle but important that we can trust ourselves to have our own back.
By the way, boundaries aren't only for others, setting boundaries for ourselves (AKA discipline) makes space for even more sovereignty.
When you are creating and living the life of your dreams (filled with ALL forms of love) you are in a constant calibration process. That calibration process is a lot easier with boundaries! Spend a few moments reflecting on where you stand with your personal boundaries. Could you use a little fine tuning? Be more confident in your boundaries? For more information on building and preserving boundaries, check out this article over at PsychCentral.
Be Blessed, Beautiful!
Valentine's Day is around the corner. If you're single, instead of loathing the amorous spirit, join in with self-love and sensual satisfaction.
Hi! I'm single and a sensualist (someone devoted to the pleasure of the senses). As such, I find it disappointing that so many singletons are disenchanted with Valentine's day. Just because your single doesn't mean you have to feel deprived. In fact, this is a great time to nurture, please and indulge in self-love and savoring. Some of my favorite festivities...
Taste - Go to that restaurant you've been wanting to try out. Try new international cuisine. Prepare your favorite meal for a quiet candlelit dinner for one. Of course, you could always invite friends in on the fun, too. Don't forget to indulge in a decadent sweet treat you wouldn't dare eat any other time. You're so naughty!
Sight - Go shopping! Buy something that makes you look and feel sexy. Get naked in nature like go skinny dipping, check out a nudist beach, or go jogging in the park donning sexy workout clothes. Check out a classic sexy movie like "Cruel Intentions" "Dirty Dancing" "Like Water for Chocolate" (personal fav) or "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." Go to an exhibit or museum, better yet an erotic museum like MOSEX in New York City, or WEAM in Miami Beach. WEAM has by far the most extensive collection of art including many historical pieces while MOSEX always has new exhibits and keeps it fresh and fun with pop culture and a cafe serving aphrodisiac drinks. Yeah baby yeah!
Touch - Sure you can get a professional massage but wouldn't it be more fun (and lasting) to invest in a massager? You can get the nice kind for working out those neck and back kinks at home. Or if you're feeling extra frisky, go to an adult store and invest in a "massager" for those kitty kinks. Meow! Two words of advise: Rechargeable and waterproof. #yourewelcome In all seriousness though, self-touch gives you more insight into your body and what pleases you. Believe me, knowing how to savor your own body will only make things that much more sexy when you're boo'd up with someone else in the pleasure party.
Sound - Ah sound - this sensualista's personal favorite. :) With the right music, you can't help but feel sexy and sensual. I dare you to throw on some merengue, get to shaking those hips and not feel bien chula! If merengue is a little too fast, slow things down with sultry songs like Chocolate by Kylie Minogue or Hazy by Glass Animals. More of a rocker? Move Your Body by My Darkest Days will have you cat crawling and swinging your hair around in no time. Like to twerk? Chris Brown's Pills and Automobiles gotcha! And then there's Ariana Grande with all the sex kitten songs you can ever hope for, just pick one. No idea what you're doing or feel like you have no rhythm? Check out belly dance, pole dance, burlesque or twerk dance videos online in the privacy of your home or take a class if you want! It's all about you.
Smell - Go get a new sexy perfume. You can't go wrong with Victoria Secret, all their scents are sexy! Get a sensually scented bath bomb and take a nice hot soak surrounding by candles and flower petals. Speaking of... buy yourself flowers and enjoy their scent. Rub your body down with a luxurious feeling and smelling lotion. Get familiar with and learn to like your own sexy smells... tehehe. I think we'll stop there and let your imagina tion take you wherever you want to go this Valentine's Day. ;)
Be Blessed, Beautiful!
This month at Be Blessed Beautiful, we're all about the love. Up first; community love. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the day to day hustle of life and our 'bubble' therein. Let us not forget to stop every now and then to show love to each other, beyond our own family, friends, and bubble. Below are some easy ways to let you love light shine!
The InvitationThinking about your day to day routine and the paths you cross, how can you make a loving impact on someone's day?
We all have causes we feel passionate about. What ways can you get behind the causes you care about?
Big or small, we all have an opportunity every day to make a positive impact on our community through love. <3
It's no secret that life can be hard sometimes. Any given day we can encounter adversity that seems to come from nowhere. Usually, our first reaction is to question 'why?' "Why is this happening to me?" "Why now?" Through reflection, it's often easy to discover the reasons why. It could be a matter of timing, circumstance, other people's choices and sometimes our own choices. The latter is typically very uncomfortable to accept, but getting through the discomfort can ultimately free you from facing the same adversity over and over again.
We've all met someone who is continuously in "the struggle." No matter what day of the week it is, no matter what season it is, no matter what good things have happened for them, they are always wrapped up in some drama. More often than not, this drama is self-imposed because the person hasn't the courage (or sometimes the desire) to honestly face the cause of their problems, themselves. It's much easier to blame others, avoid it with other distractions or worse - cope through addiction.
Please don't be that person.
You know you are supposed to be able to take care of yourself, and you know you are supposed to protect yourself from adversity. So when your own choices have a negative impact on your life, it's no wonder it's uncomfortable! You've let yourself down. You've revealed that maybe you don't have it all together or all figured out. But guess what? That's okay! Only God is perfect, remember?
So our lesson in these situations is to have the courage to get through the discomfort, recognize the error in our ways and make a conscious effort to correct it. Easily said, right? Still, in doing so, we break free of the self-imposed drama and take back our power to live life to the best of our ability. If you think about it, those moments of self-imposed adversity are really blessings in disguise, if only you bravely keep it real with yourself and recognize it.
It's not easy admitting that you've put yourself in adversity but on the other side of the confession is an evolved, stronger, wiser and lighter... you. <3
The invitationIn the past, have you missed opportunities for growth by hiding from your mistakes? What could you have done differently?
If you're facing any kind of adversity right not, what choices have you made that contributed to the situation? Once recognized, how can you avoid those same choices the next time?
Remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect and it's okay to make mistakes. Still, in the name of self-care you owe it to yourself to grow through your mistakes and not repeat them.
Are you trying to get rid of "stuff"? Well, you are not alone. At some point in all of our lives, we want to get rid of something, rather its a habit, a person, excess weight, negative feelings, or traits. These things can often hold us back from being our best and living the happy life we all deserve.
One way I personally have found to be successful in getting rid of "stuff" is by having a releasing ceremony. It's simply an event that will officially mark new beginnings and the releasing of the "stuff" we don't want anymore. I believe having an event or ceremony gives strength to your intention and helps to shift your mindset for a new life, free of whatever you let go of.
There are no rules to a releasing ceremony, you can do what feels right to you. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Choose a time and place where you can truly concentrate on what you are doing. You may choose to be alone or have friends or family present as witnesses.Part of your ceremony should include quiet time. I used my quiet time to pray to God about my intentions and asking for Him to give me the strength to really rid myself of the item. You can pray, meditate, or just think deeply about why you want to rid yourself of the item and how it will impact your life positively to do so.
The Ceremony- The actual ceremony should consist of physically doing something. I use the elements of fire and water as my doing something. If you would like to use the elements, simply write down what you're releasing on a small strip of paper. Be sure to have enough strips for all the elements you plan to use. You may also release more than one thing at a time but I don't recommend overdoing it as your concentration needs to be fine-tuned with each individual item. Now you are ready to use the elements in your releasing ceremony!
Water- Take the strip of paper, cut it into tiny little pieces and place them in water, such as a pond, river, ocean, lake or just a toilet! Water is cleansing and life-giving, so as your dropping the items in the water ask the water to cleanse your life of the item and bring forth a new and refreshed you.
Fire- IF YOU ARE A MINOR PLEASE HAVE ADULT SUPERVISION. To use the fire element you are going to actually set the small strip(s) of paper on fire. This obviously requires that you are very careful. I would recommend that after you put the flame to paper, the paper is sat on a non-flammable surface. Outdoors on the concrete is a great option for that. The fire completely destroys and creates ashes which are then blown away back into the universe. Ask the fire to burn the item to ashes and release it from your life.
Air- With the air element you will want to cut the strip(s) into small pieces which you are then going to release into the air. This works best by going somewhere that you can be above ground (parking garage, balcony etc) and drop the papers into the air which will cause them to fly away. Air wooshes away what we don't want revealing clarity an the "core" of what's always been.
Earth- For the element of earth you simply need to bury the strips of paper. You may choose to bury them, someone, you would see frequently such as a plant pot in your home or somewhere you don't frequent. This depends on your preference. Some may like to see the place of burial as a reminder of what they buried or some may not want to see the burial site so they can completely forget the item. Earth takes back into itself, so ask the earth to take back the item your burying because you no longer need it or want it.
Your ceremony can be different, you can make it unique to how you feel would be the best way to rid yourself of an item. For example, you may choose to write a letter to the item expressing why you want to release it, and then read the letter out loud during your ceremony. Also, with the elements you may choose one of them or all four, it would depend on how strong you feel the item is.
Good Luck and be sure to leave a comment about your personal experiences, or ideas to share.
Letting go is hard but necessary in the growth process and in freeing ourselves of what no longer serves us.
Let's face it, self-care is something we rarely make time for. And with the demands of modern life and society, it’s no wonder. Still making time to nurture yourself must be a priority, so I’m sharing some of my best practices. Over the years, the routine will change along with your changing needs and time to practice self-care. It’s also important to pay attention to your body and prioritize self-care practices around what you need now.
Peace of mind - With all the screens and data constantly thrown at us all day every day, quieting the mind is an excellent self-care practice to reduce stress, gain clarity and attain peace. Meditation is great for this and there's a plethora of info to get you started such as mobile apps, YouTube videos, etc. Not into meditation? That’s okay! While meditation is a great tool, it’s not for everyone. Some people have a hard time silencing the mind or being still. In this case, it helps to focus on your breathing to keep the mind from wandering. You can also consider taking up Tai Chi. Tai chi is low impact, slow moving meditation in motion that places special emphasis on breathing.
Setting the mood – Part of self-care can be an indulgent treat for the senses. Consider something that smells nice like your favorite essential oil, candle or incense. My current vibe is burning Palo Santo (pictured right) sage is another popular option. I don’t recommend using your favorite perfume to set the tone. First, because you’d want to save it and second because it’s nice to have a separate smell associated with your self-care time. Chances are you wear your favorite perfume frequently. This means more than likely the scent is associated with memories or actions. You want the smell of your self-care session to be relaxing and evoke feelings of peace and joy. Lighting is also important, such as dimmed lights, or bright lights. It’s up to you! I have a soft pink light that works great for creating a pleasantly peaceful environment. Mood enhancing light bulbs are a thing, check them out!
Supplementation and Nourishment – Multivitamins are an okay starting point for nourishment; I recommend that you take it a step further by discovering the specific vitamins and minerals deficiencies you have. This can be done with a simple blood test ordered by your PCP (primary care physician). For example, I have a vitamin D deficiency (very common for adults) so that's part of my self-care regimen. And since I'm not a fan of swallowing pills I use a sweetened spray version; Self-care should be fun and feel nice making it more likely you'll commit to the routine. Another great option is using a superfood such as chyawanprash (left) or shilajit (bottom), both are ayurvedic supplements for overall health. Personally, I’d take the Chywanprash over shilajit based off of taste preference alone. Shilajit taste like rubber tire paste... ijs. Chyawanprash is sweet with a spicy kick at the end. Juice and/or smoothies are another great way to take in your daily nourishment. Google is your best friend for recipes tailored to your needs. You don’t have to swallow, drink or eat everything. Magnesium, as well as vitamins C & D can be absorbed through massaging into the skin. Which brings us to the next self-care topic….
Touch – Touch is crucial to life. Literally! And it's time you claim the benefits of self-touch for yourself. Aht aht, mind out of the gutter! We’ll cover that kind of self-touch another time. For your self-care regimen, consider using a favorite lotion or oil to massage yourself with. If you don't know where to start with self-massage, here's a great video to check out. Pack a powerful.. touch by using topical nourishment mentioned above, healing herbs, or even Mederma! Remember this is all about your needs. Know them, love them, nourish them. <3
What does your self-care routine look like? What do you want it to look like? Should you set aside time in the morning? Or when turning down?
Be sure to pick a time and place where you will not be interrupted.
Decide how long you will set aside for yourself. Maybe an hour. If that sounds like a luxury, try for 30 minutes. Still too much... go for 15. But no less! You need time to truly disconnect from everything and connect with yourself.
I hope you've found this post helpful and will really commit to your self-care. Feel free to share anything you'd like on this topic. Until next time....I'm outtie!